Home

Today I went home to get a few things that I had left there over spring break. I got a ride from a good friend Andrew that lives in Brighton, the town next to mine. It was nice to be home with my parents and to be able to just sit and relax in the comfort of my own home. After my parents went to bed I sat in my living room on the computer just thinking about my life and everything that I have been going through. I have realized that even though this summer will be weird because all my friends from college will be scattered about, it will still be really great. I will be able to spend another summer with my family who I have truly missed throughout this school year. I will be able to spend a lot of time with both my mom and my dad now that they are both retired. Also I will be able to spend another whole summer with my best friend, my nephew Dakota. Also I will be able to do a bunch of thinking about what all has happened to me throughout this school year. In just the little time that I have been home so far I have already come across some good realizations about some recent things I have gone through. I have gone through some hardships with girls and relationships all year long. I have been trying to find a girl that I really connect with and can share something special with. But so far I have just been denied every time and in ways that just messed with my head. The last one I have been trying to develop something with has just completely messed with me. First she acts all happy about me telling her that I like her. Then she tells me she is in a really confusing situation and just doesn't know what she wants right now. Then one night I was out at a party and did something that I shouldn't have done but still wasn't really bad. So that ended that. Then I started to move on and she comes back to me saying that she thinks she made a mistake before and that she wanted to try again. Then later on that week we went out to lunch and talked a lot and she said that she just didn't want anything with me still. So I moved on and something started with another girl. It was going good and then one weekend she went home and that Friday night I went out with the original girl because we where still good friends and that night she told me basically that she liked me and wanted something with me. That came as a shock to me and I just didn't really know what to do that night because I didn't want to be the guy that starts something with someone then goes back to someone else and hurts that new person. So that night I told her no that I just couldn't do it. Then the next day all I could think about was the night before and how much I did still like her. That night I was out at a party and the original girl came and I had to talk to her about Friday night and what all I was going through and how I did still like her but didn't know what I was going to do about it still. She says no don't worry about it, it was a mistake for me to try anything last night anyways. That just made me crazy because I had been going nuts about Friday night and then get told to act like it didn't happen so I was clearly upset and I let her know that. Then I decided to walk my friend back to his room because he was not able to walk back by himself anymore. She told me that she would give us a ride but I told her no I would just walk with him. She said fine and then I started to walk outside and she said "what I don't get a goodbye hug?". I said okay fine and gave her a hug then walked out. Then as I got to the sidewalk I hear her come out of the house and say "Nate hold on." I walk up to her and asked her what she wanted and she said that she just had to know if something was truly there between us. So we kissed to find out if something was really there and it was, just like I thought. So I walked back to my dorm and sat around thinking for a while then went to bed. The next day I still couldn't figure out what I wanted to do about the whole situation so I made some things to try and help me figure it out. I ended up realizing that I liked the original girl a lot more and it wouldn't be fair to me to not give that a shot, plus the new girl had found out about the kiss and basically hated me now. So Monday I went to the original girl to tell her that I wanted to be with her and she told me no. She was going to give this other guy that had liked her for a long time a chance even though she thought he was just a rebound. So my life just sucked for a while. The worst part though is that ever since then she has been just giving me enough hope of something between us to not give up and move on. Then lately I realized that she is just using me as a backup plan and I'm not going to let her do that to me so I am done with her and it is great to have that weight off my shoulders. I realized that you can't just continue to like someone unconditionally even when they don't treat you very good. You have to learn to lookout for yourself and not let yourself be walked over just because you like someone a lot. Don't let yourself be blinded and ignorant because of your own emotions. Listen to your friends because they only want the best for you and they have outside and none biased opinions. They will always be there for you and are only trying to help. So even though this is something I am truly not very good at I am going to try to start getting better at it and also going to try to not put all my eggs in one basket because the majority of the time that will just end with you being crushed. This is all the things that I have been thinking about since I have been home and it's really nice to have been able to think of all of that. That is why this summer will be great and is why everyone should always cherish their home and the time they spend there.